Obama’s one-liners during his speech at the White House Correspondents Dinner.
In grade 8 I really hated this girl so I collected the sugar from my pack of sour patch kids and gave it to her saying its cocaine and she actually snorted it and at recess she pretended she was high and she was called crack whore for the rest of the year. Now she does real crack and blames me saying I got her addicted. She still doesnt know it was just sugar
I hate being the third person, awkwardly standing on the side. I hate being invited to something but being totally ignored. I hate it when all of my friends go somewhere and not tell me. I hate not understanding an inside joke. Being left out is terrible. It leaves you lonely and empty.
i’ve got 99 problems and being a decaying organism that’s born to die in a society run by money that i can’t escape is one of them
mum made me a cup of tea but i’m pissed off at her so i’m not gonna go drink it
that’s how we show our anger in england, you see
actually, we did that first
be quiet america you’re still grounded after romney almost happened
yeah but you actually elected bush
if you think your family is dysfunctional remember that zeus got a woman pregnant but she burned to death so he rescued the fetus from her ashes and sewed it into his thigh and gave birth to it himself and that fetus is now the god of wine and sexual deviancy god bless
My great aunt stabbed her husband in the stomach on their anniversary and he decided not to divorce her because he didn’t want a custody battle over the goats.
I think kisses on the cheek & forehead, actual dinner dates, and asking someone out in person is so precious. I don’t think the guy should always make the first move, but I feel as if it’s cuter if the guy asks out the girl rather than it being the other way around, because it’s been like that for so long. I liked it when guys actually valued their girls and called them sweetheart, and their partner, instead of babe or ‘his girl.’
you know what makes people better than other people? being nice. being nice is the greatest thing you can be and if you are a nice person who likes nickelback, you are better than a mean person who likes radiohead.